Negativity: nasty, destructive, insidious and a side effect of feeling burned out. The exhaustion, weariness of soul, irritability, emotional emptiness, and physical symptoms that can accompany burnout have a detrimental effect on our motivation levels and self control. Stress negatively affects our decision making, our confidence can take a battering, and the effort required to pick ourselves up by the boot straps can be too much.
Thus we succumb to temptation more easily, and our self care and mental well being suffer further. It seems easier to self-anaesthetise with activities that numb us to how we are really feeling – why look at the cause when it is easier, quicker and more instantly-gratifying to eat or drink excessively/trawl Facebook/criticise others/watch trashy TV….pick your vice of choice.
Now, food, alcohol, social media and TV are not wrong in and of themselves. But as anaesthetics that keep us from proper rest and restoration and numb us to what is really going on, they can feel good momentarily but are not so in the long term.
I am usually a very positive, optimistic person, with a let’s-see-how-we-can-fix-this approach to life. But I know that when I am excessively stressed, not sleeping, and not caring appropriately for my body and soul I can become very negative.
If you find yourself focusing on the down side of situations, judging others and feeling cynical, with a doom-and-gloom laden heart, negativity has taken hold and action is required.
Don’t get drawn into negativity in conversation with others. Narky, sarcastic, negative, derogatory, gossipy conversation can on the surface seem attractive because of the power we can feel over others, and our desire to be included in the in-group. But this is destructive and life-sapping, leaving us feeling lesser than we are, and losing respect of others and ourselves. As a child, when I complained to my wise old grandfather that someone had been mean and horrible to or about me, he would pull on his goatee beard, nod his head sagely and inform me that
You can always learn how not to treat other people.”
Rarely, was this what I wanted to hear. My injured young heart, in receipt of negativity and nastiness from others, wanted justice for my accusers, and really wanted him to be outraged on my behalf and soothe my soul with sympathy. But now his words return to my mind often, and can serve as a useful check when I am tempted in my weariness to be negative and critical simply because it is easier and makes me feel better, albeit temporarily.
Because that is the point – negativity ultimately leaves us feeling drained, hopeless and helpless, and can seed destructive thoughts that then take root.
Negative thought patterns – criticism, anger, resentment, bitterness, frustration. Pay attention to when they are taking hold, stop and ask yourself –
- What is at the root cause?
- Who do you need to forgive, including yourself?
- Where are your expectations unrealistic?
- Do you have a misplaced sense of entitlement?
- Where instead can you look for the positive in your daily experiences, show appreciation, practise being thankful?
- What steps can you take to bring some rest and renewed perspective?
Let things go and let yourself off the hook, but always be willing to learn from the situation.
Stop overthinking everything – accept what you can do, and learn to let go of what you can’t.
Take responsibility for that which is yours, but don’t carry or shoulder responsibility for the behaviour or attitudes of others.
Get out of your head, and look at what is working and what you do have power to change.
Recognise where you are needing to stop, plan in some relaxation, rest, and switch off – next week’s morsels.
Choose to stand up to negativity and pay attention to the temptation towards numbing behaviour before it consumes you.